X Review: FSS Big Boa

Big Boa had one prior iteration(not counting the Funskool version,) released in 1987. He was intended to be a counter to G.I. Joe’s Rocky Balboa figure, which never saw the light of day, for whatever reason. This one is from the third release of figures from GI Joe Club’s Figure Subscription Service, which has seen its share of problems. Keeping in mind these are supposed to be 2012 figures, you can see they’re a good bit behind. I think this is a pretty good addition to the line, however. It’s a shame this guy won’t see retail.

From the classic filecard:

Code Name: Big Boa
Cobra Trainer
File Name: Unknown

Cobra troopers can be an unruly bunch at times. They aren’t motivated by patriotism, unit loyalty, honor or sense of duty. It takes a brutal, unfeeling taskmaster to whip them into fighting trim and Big Boa fits the bill to a tee. He has a voice like a bullhorn, fists the size of frozen turkeys and the disposition of a rabid grizzly bear.

“Big Boa kicks open the Cobra barracks door at 0500 and makes everyone do the low-crawl up the mountain while pushing a bowling ball with their noses. Then, it’s a twenty-mile run through the bramble thickets, more push-ups than you want to know about, and a two-mile swim upstream with flak jacket and helmet. After breakfast, he starts on the HARD stuff!”

From the updated, FSS filecard:

Code Name: Big Boa
Filename: Unknown
Primary Military Specialty: Physical Training Instructor
Secondary Military Specialty: Mixed Martial Arts
Birthplace: Unknown

Big Boa has a face that looks like it has been beaten with the proverbial ugly stick. It’s no wonder that he wears a unique protective helmet at all times. However, he also benefits from all the cybernetic gadgets attached to it. Thermal heat sensors show him the weak spots on his opponent’s body, while amplified hearing lets him know just how quickly their hearts are pumping, something that can be attributed to the fear of standing in his presence. Anyone that challenges him usually ends up eating the dirt at his feet.

Cobra Troopers can be an unruly bunch at times. They aren’t motivated by patriotism, unit loyalty, honor, or sense of duty. It takes a brutal, unfeeling taskmaster to whip them into fighting shape and Big Boa fits the bill to a tee. He has a voice like a bullhorn, fists the size of frozen turkeys, and the disposition of a hungry bear. His infamous P.T. instruction is merciless enough to weed out the weak, but his mandatory after hours fight matches are what truly inspire only the most vicious to rise through the ranks of Cobra.

“Bring me the toughest contender G.I. Joe has to offer – I’ll show them what real fighting is!”