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Unread 07-19-2016, 02:46 PM   #1
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Default Official NFL 2016/2017 Thread

So, we're ~ three weeks out from the pre-season, what shenanigans will Brady and Belichick get up to this season?

Will Dish and NFL Network stop trying to out-douchebag each other so I can watch out of network games?

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Unread 07-19-2016, 03:19 PM   #2
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I'm hoping for decent things from the Raiders this year.. which is a dangerous idea most times.. but this year seems like their best chance in a while.
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Unread 07-19-2016, 03:29 PM   #3
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I suspect the Vikings will either get within sniffing distance of the post season or go 4 and 12.
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Unread 07-19-2016, 06:35 PM   #4
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Ahhh, thanks for reminding me that the start of the season is so close. My DirecTV billing cycle ends today, meaning that they would charge me the full-rate for Sunday Ticket on tomorrow's bill. Every year I have to call and threaten to cancel it in order to get a tolerable rate. They don't budge as much as they used to, but they still knock it down substantially. But if I don't call, they just auto-renew at full price, sons-of-bitches.

Still, they aren't Comcast or Time Warner, and they're pretty good to me otherwise. Sunday Ticket!!!!

It can't come soon enough, even if I'll be adrift with no real anchor now that Peyton's counting down to Canton.
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Unread 07-20-2016, 05:39 AM   #5
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Watching the AFC West this year will be entertaining. I do not dare make any predictions beyond San Diego continuing to be mediocre. Denver is the real unknown.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 10:01 AM   #6
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Yeah it'll be interesting for sure, KC should do fine, since it's mostly the same team as last year.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thecorporation View Post
I'm sure ninjas are great people, but I think they should be more like traditional ninjas: neither seen nor heard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nacho View Post
I take it all back! Fords are the bestest cars EVER!
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Originally Posted by nacho View Post
All figures should be doled out per union bylaws to each individual, based purely on seniority, at cost, free shipping, delivered to your door in a ford.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 11:54 AM   #7
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It's back, baby, in reverse draft order... the Titans are in the barrel:

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Tennessee Titans

"I’m actually glad for Mariota. He may have been drafted by the NFL’s equivalent of a Ross Dress For Less, but at least he’ll be comfortably retired by age 27."

"Oh, did I mention that Bishop Sankey is still here, too? Remember when you drafted him in fantasy? That was fun. I hope Bishop Sankey gets run over by a stock car."

hahahahaha

Last edited by nacho; 07-25-2016 at 11:59 AM.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 02:12 PM   #8
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Gods, yes!

As an aside, a few days ago Dennis Green passed, and I've forgotten to mention until just now.


"They are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook!"

Last edited by K-Tiger; 07-25-2016 at 02:15 PM.
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Unread 07-25-2016, 02:28 PM   #9
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As far as post-game Coach quotes go, that's up there with Jim Mora's "Playoffs?! Playoffs?!?!?"
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Unread 07-26-2016, 01:55 PM   #10
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Cleveland... good lord, it's not even challenging to ridicule them...

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Cleveland Browns
"They will suck, but they will suck for some vague-but-lofty future purpose that will remain both obscure and forever unrealized. Meanwhile, you will die of lead poisoning. WELCOME TO THE FUTURE."
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Unread 07-26-2016, 02:18 PM   #11
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Oh, man, that was good. I reckon Manziel will go back to Tyler, to work in whatever business that bunch of white trash that is his family has made their money in.
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Unread 07-27-2016, 02:01 PM   #12
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San Diego Chargers are in the barrel...

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: San Diego Chargers
"Jesus Christ, Melvin Gordon. Even Trent Richardson occasionally managed to hit paydirt in between sandwich orgies."
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Unread 07-28-2016, 12:14 PM   #13
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Your turn, Cowgirls:
Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Dallas Cowboys
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Unread 07-28-2016, 12:33 PM   #14
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Hahahahahahahaha!
"With a withered spine and a collarbone that’s been reconstructed by Stark Industries, Tony Romo’s career is all but over. It should be a felony to let him take the field ever again. Someone is gonna rip out his scapula and stab him in the face with it. I can’t bear to look."
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Unread 07-28-2016, 01:20 PM   #15
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That bit was particularly humorous.
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Unread 07-29-2016, 11:23 AM   #16
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Jacksonville's turn... and let's face it, he could just change a few names and reuse the column from last year.... or five years ago. Who would notice, it's the Jags!

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Jacksonville Jaguars

"So here we have a four-win team that can’t play defense, turns the ball over with impunity, and only scores in garbage time. WHAT A BRIGHT FUTURE THEY HAVE. You can always get away with being terrible so long as you have a young roster. “Well, they’re a group of uncoordinated amputees, but they’re ALL under age 22!” The only good news here is that you’ll never have to watch these assholes play because the NFL is gonna stream all their games exclusively on Tidal."
"Blake Bortles. The good news is that Bortles broke the saddest team record in football last season. Not too shabby for a 46-year-old. The bad news is that Bortles led the league in both interceptions AND fumbles. You tend to rack up lots of passing yards when you’ve already put your team in a 35-0 hole. I’m not giving this man praise when, football-wise, he’s the pleasant version of Jay Cutler."


hahahahahaha!

Last edited by nacho; 07-29-2016 at 11:28 AM.
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Unread 07-29-2016, 03:27 PM   #17
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Dammmmn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thecorporation View Post
I'm sure ninjas are great people, but I think they should be more like traditional ninjas: neither seen nor heard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nacho View Post
I take it all back! Fords are the bestest cars EVER!
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Originally Posted by nacho View Post
All figures should be doled out per union bylaws to each individual, based purely on seniority, at cost, free shipping, delivered to your door in a ford.
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Unread 07-29-2016, 03:45 PM   #18
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Holy shit, Jalen Ramsey's dinner pic.
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Unread 08-01-2016, 11:23 AM   #19
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Ohhhh, Baltimorrrre!

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Baltimore Ravens
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Unread 08-02-2016, 01:28 PM   #20
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Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco treat!

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: San Francisco 49ers
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Unread 08-02-2016, 01:53 PM   #21
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Baltimore was funny, but it's tough to make fun of them b/c last year was an aberration in that by thanksgiving, 90% of their starting lineup was guys off the street. They were like an '87 strike team. It was more sad than funny, and I'm not even a Baltimore fan.... although in that division, they're probably the least of the evils.

SF... that one is just painful b/c it's all true. That's my default team PP/PP (pre-Peyton/post-Peyton), but it's impossible to get excited when you know the entire organization is a dumpster fire. It's especially painful when you remember when the organization was a strength back in the Eddie D glory years. This must be what fans in Detroit and Cleveland feel like every year. Ugh.
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Unread 08-03-2016, 02:23 PM   #22
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Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Miami Dolphins
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Unread 08-03-2016, 03:10 PM   #23
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Until they can win the division in a year when Brady doesn't miss the whole season, they will just be cannon fodder. They've won a single playoff game since Marino retired. One.

I'm not even sure Adam Gase's wizardry is enough to salvage RT... Although he kept Cutler from imploding the Bears, so maybe?
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Unread 08-04-2016, 06:27 AM   #24
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Foles to Maclin! Coming to a field near you in 2017.



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Unread 08-04-2016, 02:18 PM   #25
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I can't believe this team still exists.

Why Your Team Sucks 2016: Tampa Bay Buccaneers
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