Beating The Skeletal Remains of A Long Dead Horse
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Two years, fifty-one weeks, six days, and an odd number of hours later, I FINALLY saw G.I. JOE: Rise of COBRA. In the interest of full disclosure, I went on record as a hater of the film, however, with that being said, RoC wasn’t the “craptacular,†cluster fuck the fandom made it out to be, however, it wasn’t the cool “popcorn summer blockbuster,†that the JOE Stans made it out to be either. When I think of cool popcorn flicks, I think of Ironman, Spidey 2, and though I hate to say it because it came out after RoC, The Avengers.
I do agree with the haters of the film that Channing Tatum was horribly miscast as Duke and during the scene when he called the troops to attention, he voice definitely lacked authority. This isn’t Tatum’s fault, the blame clearly rests with Brian Sommers, and he should’ve rehearsed the scene until Tatum got the proper authority and inflection on his voice. For Sommers to let that scene into the movie shows his failings as a director and I daresay shows how serious took the project. The extent of my “acting career,†was doing background work on a few movies, so I’m the first to admit that I know shit about casting for films, with that being said, the last person I would’ve cast as Duke would’ve been Channing Tatum and for him to get the lead in this particular movie, has me wondering what Sommers saw in him or felt he was going to bring to the project.
Christopher Eccelston. Dude did his thing as Destro, (I have to admit I’m biased towards Eccesleston because I thoroughly enjoyed his portrayal of Ben Jago in the Othello remake. I you haven’t seen it you need to, but I digress.)
Marlon Wayans was cool, but the delivery of some his lines seemed kinda forced. Again, I hate to use this comparison because it’s classic apples and oranges, but in Avengers when RDJ was being sarcastic and witty, the delivery seemed natural and natural for the Tony Stark character, but before you guys kill me, again I admit I’m comparing an Academy Award nominee to a B list actor. The rest of the cast was cool and what little I know of acting, I felt that they did a good job considering what they had to work with. With the exception of Tatum, the problem wasn’t with the cast it was with the executive producers, the directors, and the screen writers.
The biggest overall problem with this movie wasn’t the continuity changes, the accelerator suits, or S.E.’s rubber suit with the wacky mouth, (speaking of which, why didn’t S.E. have on a black uniform like everybody else and why the wacky mouth? But I’m digressing again.) It was the fact title of the was G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra and we didn’t get to see much of Cobra rising. This movie should’ve been JGL’s and not Tatum’s. I may have missed it, but I didn’t catch Rex’s motivation as to why he wanted to start a “ruthless terrorist organization that is determined to rule the world.†If I were had this same outline I would’ve did the film like this.
I would’ve utilized the Twins and the Seigies. The Seigies would’ve been strategically placed in positions of power and influence within corporations, financial institutions, and governments throughout the world. I felt that we didn’t get of Zartan in the movie, with a Seigie in place as a senior advisor to the president, this would’ve gave Zartan access to the president to do the eventual hit. Instead of Dr. Mindbender developing the nanomite technology, Baron DeCobray’s company would’ve developed it. In turn, DeCobray would’ve been one of those scientists that C.C. “kidnapped and forced to reveal his most top level secret.†The government gets word of this burdening threat from Cobra and decides to form the JOE. So in actually, the JOEs would be a response to Cobra, and the JOEs would lose. C.C. would get an attack off, the Twins through Extensive Enterprises would acquire companies, and Seigies would start to pilfer the treasuries of governments and the accounts of financial institutions and “too big to fail corporations.â€
As I stated earlier criticism of the movie was waay to harsh and it shouldn’t have gotten just one star, it should’ve got two. With that being said, those “special effects,†were absolutely inexcusable, I know a pretty chunk of change was devoted to special effects and this is the bullshit you get back? I’m not saying you have to fuck with Lucus and Industrial Light and Magic, but goddamn? I’m pretty sure whoever approved the company to do those special effects got fired. Also at the end of the movie, I didn’t like the way Destro bitched out to C.C. Destro would’ve seen C.C.’s treachery coming and killed C.C.
If I had seen RoC in the movies, I would’ve left the theatre like WTF and probably been pissed, but to quote what has been said many times on this board, RoC was cool for what it was and it my case it was a cool movie to watch at 12:00 at night when you don’t feel like going to bed. Well that’s Fred’s thoughts on RoC, two years, fifty-weeks, and six days after the fact. Oh, one last thing, what was up with, “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow?"
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Two years, fifty-one weeks, six days, and an odd number of hours later, I FINALLY saw G.I. JOE: Rise of COBRA. In the interest of full disclosure, I went on record as a hater of the film, however, with that being said, RoC wasn’t the “craptacular,†cluster fuck the fandom made it out to be, however, it wasn’t the cool “popcorn summer blockbuster,†that the JOE Stans made it out to be either. When I think of cool popcorn flicks, I think of Ironman, Spidey 2, and though I hate to say it because it came out after RoC, The Avengers.
I do agree with the haters of the film that Channing Tatum was horribly miscast as Duke and during the scene when he called the troops to attention, he voice definitely lacked authority. This isn’t Tatum’s fault, the blame clearly rests with Brian Sommers, and he should’ve rehearsed the scene until Tatum got the proper authority and inflection on his voice. For Sommers to let that scene into the movie shows his failings as a director and I daresay shows how serious took the project. The extent of my “acting career,†was doing background work on a few movies, so I’m the first to admit that I know shit about casting for films, with that being said, the last person I would’ve cast as Duke would’ve been Channing Tatum and for him to get the lead in this particular movie, has me wondering what Sommers saw in him or felt he was going to bring to the project.
Christopher Eccelston. Dude did his thing as Destro, (I have to admit I’m biased towards Eccesleston because I thoroughly enjoyed his portrayal of Ben Jago in the Othello remake. I you haven’t seen it you need to, but I digress.)
Marlon Wayans was cool, but the delivery of some his lines seemed kinda forced. Again, I hate to use this comparison because it’s classic apples and oranges, but in Avengers when RDJ was being sarcastic and witty, the delivery seemed natural and natural for the Tony Stark character, but before you guys kill me, again I admit I’m comparing an Academy Award nominee to a B list actor. The rest of the cast was cool and what little I know of acting, I felt that they did a good job considering what they had to work with. With the exception of Tatum, the problem wasn’t with the cast it was with the executive producers, the directors, and the screen writers.
The biggest overall problem with this movie wasn’t the continuity changes, the accelerator suits, or S.E.’s rubber suit with the wacky mouth, (speaking of which, why didn’t S.E. have on a black uniform like everybody else and why the wacky mouth? But I’m digressing again.) It was the fact title of the was G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra and we didn’t get to see much of Cobra rising. This movie should’ve been JGL’s and not Tatum’s. I may have missed it, but I didn’t catch Rex’s motivation as to why he wanted to start a “ruthless terrorist organization that is determined to rule the world.†If I were had this same outline I would’ve did the film like this.
I would’ve utilized the Twins and the Seigies. The Seigies would’ve been strategically placed in positions of power and influence within corporations, financial institutions, and governments throughout the world. I felt that we didn’t get of Zartan in the movie, with a Seigie in place as a senior advisor to the president, this would’ve gave Zartan access to the president to do the eventual hit. Instead of Dr. Mindbender developing the nanomite technology, Baron DeCobray’s company would’ve developed it. In turn, DeCobray would’ve been one of those scientists that C.C. “kidnapped and forced to reveal his most top level secret.†The government gets word of this burdening threat from Cobra and decides to form the JOE. So in actually, the JOEs would be a response to Cobra, and the JOEs would lose. C.C. would get an attack off, the Twins through Extensive Enterprises would acquire companies, and Seigies would start to pilfer the treasuries of governments and the accounts of financial institutions and “too big to fail corporations.â€
As I stated earlier criticism of the movie was waay to harsh and it shouldn’t have gotten just one star, it should’ve got two. With that being said, those “special effects,†were absolutely inexcusable, I know a pretty chunk of change was devoted to special effects and this is the bullshit you get back? I’m not saying you have to fuck with Lucus and Industrial Light and Magic, but goddamn? I’m pretty sure whoever approved the company to do those special effects got fired. Also at the end of the movie, I didn’t like the way Destro bitched out to C.C. Destro would’ve seen C.C.’s treachery coming and killed C.C.
If I had seen RoC in the movies, I would’ve left the theatre like WTF and probably been pissed, but to quote what has been said many times on this board, RoC was cool for what it was and it my case it was a cool movie to watch at 12:00 at night when you don’t feel like going to bed. Well that’s Fred’s thoughts on RoC, two years, fifty-weeks, and six days after the fact. Oh, one last thing, what was up with, “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow?"
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